Lately, I've been reconnecting with the heroes of my past: mythical legends from a time long, long ago and a galaxy far, far away.
In the wee hours of the night, I dream of my childhood. I find it was a much more idyllic life than my present one. Plus, I get to make stuff up. (Hey, remember when I was MVP of my Little League and everyone thought I was cool? That was AWESOME!)
My housemates and I gather together in my room and bathe ourselves in the cathode ray light which emanates from it. But to borrow an old cliche, we have, more often than not, 900 channels without anything on. Well, that's not strictly true. But watching soft-core porn with your friends is really awkward.
One night, though, we discovered Urban Cableworks' Channel 117. For those of you unfortunate enough to not have discovered the joy that is Digital Cable, I will explain. Channel 117 is the perfect network. It is joy, it is beauty, it is truth, it is light, it is games and sports.
This network, this land of plenty where everyone is happy and smiling, is the GaS network, Nickelodeon's latest contribution to my ever-ebbing sanity.
And truly, its shows are glorious.
Let me just ask you this: have you seen Marc Summers in the past 10 years? If the answer is no, shame on you. This man is the best game show host the world has ever seen. He makes Alex Trebek look like Geraldo Rivera on stupid pills.
See, here's the thing about Marc Summers. He was the host of Double Dare and Family Double Dare, possibly the most pointlessly messy shows ever conceived. And the man was a neat freak. Like an obsessive-compulsive neat freak, is the rumor. And so the entire time that he was encouraging parents to pour gallons of maple syrup on their children, he was freaking out inside. It beats the hell out of soft-core porn any day. Especially if you're a pedophile. Not that I am.
Anywho.
Watching this network has made me realize who the true heroes of this country are. They are not police, firemen and paramedics. They are the 10 year olds who climbed the Aggro-Crag, the somewhat dorky kids who could beat every game in Nick Arcade, the little boys and girls who reached up that nose to find the flag at the end of Double Dare.
Those little kids, filmed 10 years ago in what was probably the culmination of their lives, those kids -- they're what makes my world go 'round.
