At religious universities, debates arise over faith and academic freedom. Students troubled by new reading curriculum: "A Crucifix of One's Own," "Dear God, It's Me, Pat Robertson" and "Things Fall Apart (for Mormons, Jews, Catholics and Muslims)."
PNC Bank at 40th and Walnut robbed of $500. Looters to spend money on medium Gia Pronto salad with large beverage.
Reform Jews hope to unmix mixed marriages. They practice technique by separating pretzels from cheetos in bag of Chex Party Poppers.
During Mardi Gras, a city learns to party again. If you bumpin' say it: New Orleans is where the party at. FEMA's on the way, where the Bacardi at? You know I can't 4get about my thugs.
In Japan, day-trading thrives like it's 1999. And they party like it's New England, 1687.
Illinois governor suggests preschool for all. Local kindergarteners really pissed they missed boat.
Facing pressure, White House seeks approval for spying. Bush watches Inspector Gadget cartoon marathon to refine his technique. Further, this street beat will self-destruct in five seconds.
Elite Iraqi unit seeks footing as it fills U.S. boots. Dr. Scholls catches red-eye to Baghdad to provide orthopedic assistance.
Muslims assault US embassy in Indonesia. They shout, "Islamica, fuck yeah. Turbans, llamas and babaganouj, fuck yeah."
Used syringes seized in Austrian ski raid. Junky athletes too messed up to find situation anything but funny.
Injured hunter expresses sorrow for Cheney's troubles. He laments, "I gots de shot and then blackmailed by US Vice President bluuues. Right down to my blood-soiled hunting shoooes."
US warns Iraq it won't support sectarian goals. US: "Hey, Iraq, we won't support sectarian goals." Iraq: "No shit."
Drug traffickers find haven on Indian Reservations. Chief Running-Bear enjoys crack-cocaine in his morning porridge.
Revitilization effort focuses on Walnut Bridge. Effort will consist of pigeon defecation and acappella group flyering.
