Call it late, tired, useless -- call it what you will. But since Street didn't publish during the week before break, we'll take the time now to chime in on this Spring's slate of speakers and performers.
But first, recall the semester that was Spring 2005. The air was rife with conflict, and by conflict I mean whining. The smartypantses rallied against graduation speaker Kofi Annan, because he's some sort of criminal. SPEC's selection of Sonic Youth for the Fling concert shocked the masses, who criticized the band's work because they'd never heard of them. And, in perhaps the semester's biggest surprise, not much of an uproar was heard over SPEC Connaissance's Martin Sheen disaster. I guess Jed Bartlett's unfuckwithable aura translates into real life.
People will always complain, and this year is no exception. Now, however, Street will grade them, so you know what to think:
1. SPEC Connaissance: Kevin Smith -- 92% of Penn is from New Jersey, so Lunchbox will already have the audience's loyalty by the time the first Return of the Jedi joke comes around. Sure, every movie he's made has been terrible, but the first five or so were terrible in an endearing way -- kind of like New Jersey, actually. Dude can relate to college students also, what with that whole armchair, pop culture intellectual thing he does. And he'll get bonus points for a Jay cameo. Wait -- who plays Jay? A
2. Spring Fling: Of A Revolution (Slang: "O.A.R.") -- Truth is, I loved Sonic Youth. Their show was borderline holy-f. But noise ain't so much everyone's thang, so choosing a group more people can enjoy was mos def in SPEC's interest. Yes, O.A.R. may be the absolute worst musical act in the world, save The Killers and Jada Pinkett Smith's band, and "That Was a Crazy Game of Poker" was what, like six years ago (seven?), but they'll be a good use for your crisp $20 bill. What am I saying? B-
3. Graduation: Jodie Foster -- A common complaint that's been voiced over this selection (well, one of many), is "Why is the star of Nell and Flight Plan our graduation speaker?" Say the late Marlon Brando was the selection. Would people ask, "Why is the star of The Score and The Island of Dr. Moreau our graduation speaker?" Jodie's a respectable woman. Seniors may have wanted Bill Clinton, but Penn's endowment is only so many billions of dollars. A+
4. Just kidding. Jodie kinda sucks. C
5. Maybe C+. C+ sounds fair. C+
The powers-that-be can't make everyone happy. Nevertheless, it's important for them to try harder each year. With that, I submit my requests for next year: Summer from The O.C., L.F.O. and the hobbit from Lost: a triumvirate of perfection.
As for now, I'm going to watch (slash love) Nell. Just kidding.
- Jim
