An Orange County fire has led to the evacuation of over 200 hillside homes. In unrelated news, The OC and The Hills have been cancelled. 90210 still dead.
Dick Cheney's Halliburton has cut the crap and relocated its headquarters of operation to Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. Not to be outdone, Satan is following suit, relocating to Camden.
According to a new UN report, the world's population is to reach 9.2 billion by 2050. Walmart excited by new business opportunities.
In the wake of George Bush's visits to the ruins of Iximche, Mayan spiritual leaders are planning to hold a cleansing ceremony to clear out 'bad energy.' White House house keepers used to similar rituals recommend plunger, strong shot of vodka.
Michael Jackson's monopoly on the Beatles' music catalogue is finally coming to an end, as the pop star will turn over rights to the mega-group's work in May. Children everywhere lament loss of Jackson's yellow submarine.
Harry Potter portrayer Daniel Radcliffe appears nude in his new role as Alan Strang in London's West End revival of Equus. Front row audience members surprised by working order of Harry's magic wand.
And finally, the following is true: two Georgian men attempted to commit suicide by cutting off their arms with a saw. The attempt broke down when, with three arms down, the men couldn't find the appendages to saw off the fourth. They are in stable condition.
