Hi, I’m 23 I gym five days a week, my question to you is it normal if u masturbate the night before but get 9 hours of sleep to not be able to lift as heavy as the day before on account of the sperm loss and lastly if I’m gym in five days a week shouldn’t I be getting morning wood every morning? (sic)

Listen, Miss Cassandra has been at this sex advice game for a long time and this is one of the most bizarre questions that I have ever run into. I think we have to challenge some of your preconceptions. Yes, masturbation leads to sperm loss and sperm is mostly protein, so I guess I can see the logic behind equating jizzing and lifting, but you are way off base here.

A surprising amount of boys, especially on internet chat rooms, think that choking the old chicken diminishes stamina, but it’s not as if every time you blow your load you’re losing protein from your muscles. You’re losing it from the sperm you already have stored in your body. Two completely separate sources. And on a second note, sleeping, even for 9 hours, does not really affect sperm count or production. If you are having problems with feeling drained, you may need to increase your protein or see a personal trainer to figure out more about your muscles and how to alternate days and workouts. I get that you’re tryna get swole, but exercising that often can be harmful for your body.

And as for the morning wood thing… there’s nothing scientific about the connection between popping a night tent and pumping iron.  Good luck with everything dude.

 

I just bought a vibrator and I really love it, but I’m worried that next time I have sex I am going to compare him to it and I’m not sure it will be as good. Is that a thing?

One of the reasons I don’t believe in intelligent design is because God didn’t make man in the image of the vibrator and left womankind mildly disappointed forever. To answer your question plainly, yes this is a thing. Or rather, it’s a very real concern for many women. Men are often very wary of vibrators. Many know they just can’t compete and it can be emasculating. I have this to say about it, what men lack in the ability to move their dicks in rapid, targeted pulsations, they make up for in the elements of surprise, intimacy, and emotional connections. What I’m trying to say is: it will be good for different reasons (i.e. don’t worry, you can keep the vibrator and the man).

This is not just a female problem. As people we tend to know our bodies pretty well. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that when you are giving a man a hand job that you are doing better than he could do himself. He will know how to do it better. But boys still want you to touch their penises, right? You are probably still going to want to have sex with a boy if there is attraction, commitment, etc. Focus on that aspect instead of whether or not they can move like a tiny robot.

You may be worried about sensitivity. If you’re having awesome self-induced orgasms all the time, you may not when a human boy is a little less awesome. Sensitivity is a weird little thing. It’s not a switch, it’s a gradient. If you have sex (or even use the vibrator again) and feel like it isn’t the fireworks and passion fires that you remember, try cooling it on the self pleasure for a bit and the sensitivity will come back just in time to get back in the sack. Whether it’s with him or your new best friend.

 

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