Step one: Send out paper invites; college students love checking their mail and it will put you apart from other on campus functions.

Step two: Don’t make a new guy watch the door. Hire a bodyguard, preferably one that worked on the LA club scene too long and will not let a single person into the party even if it’s empty.

Step three: Make a killer jam playlist. Make sure to include a lot of disco music, because it’s not dead.

Step four: Make a signature cocktail, but because this is college and there will be underaged girls here, make mocktails.

Step five: Beer pong is so last year. Get a Pin the Tail on the Donkey, or maybe a rousing game of musical chairs.

Step six: Get ready to fucking rage.