This week, we are welcomed to the episode with a sex scene that switches back and forth between Jake and Fitz, again and again. Turns out it’s just a really gross nightmare. There’s so much random and misplaced sexual tension between the love triangle during this episode and we are just on our phones texting. Been there, seen that. Let’s get to the good stuff…

Former President Cooper died of a stroke, but First Lady Mellie is back and ready to take on this state funeral. Too bad Former First Lady Bitsy Cooper wants to do it all herself. She explains to Mellie the importance of using her position as First Lady to secretly run the country, as Bitsy did. This old lady has the funniest lines we’ve heard on the show in a while, including, “my husband’s only religion was fucking anything with a pulse.” She laughs at Fitz’s one mistress. Mellie hasn’t seen anything yet. Mel Belle decides to take Bitsy’s advice and deny the very–true rumors (leaked by Lizzy Bear with the help of Michael) of military base closings. Her husband might be a traitor to the GOP, but his wife has always been better with loyalty.

The most interesting storyline in this episode is that Liv takes on President Cooper’s alleged assassin as a client. He convinces Liv that he is innocent, and this sneaky murderer uses Olivia’s “the truth is like the sun” quote against her. He needs an autopsy and the bullet to prove it, which he knew wouldn’t happen until the former Prez died. In order to help him, Olivia gets David Rosen to charge him with murder (would Copper have had a stroke without a bullet in his head?) with the help of social pressure and Twitter. #cooperwasmurdered #justiceforcooper Turns out the bullet was totally his. He wants the electric chair and his name to go down in the history books. No one remembers the almost–assassins. Talk about creepy AF. For the first time in his life (minus when he scored Abby), David Rosen is #winning.

Yes, of course, we get back to the Jake–Ballard–in–custody plot line. Abby, Rowan, Fitz and Olivia all get involved. Rowan really wants Jake for himself, to keep his promise about watching Jake die. But Liv and, with her convincing, Fitz make sure that doesn’t happen. She sticks it to her dad in a final pool scene. Olivia and Fitz get into a fight about the word “bitch” and the way men criticize strong women, marking the least subtle attempt to date at making this show respectably feminist. Jake has an adorable scene with Olivia where he forces her to learn his bank account number and password (his sister’s name, swoon) and make sure all of it gets to his mother.

Plot twist: you know the locker key Quinn found in a dead girl’s gut? The locker was full of pictures of Liv…

Missed our other recaps for "Scandal" season 4? You'll want to read these...

"The Key" aired on 10/23

"Like Father, Like Daughter" aired on 10/16

"Inside the Bubble" aired on 10/9

"The State of the Union" aired on 10/2

"Randy, Red, Superfreak and Julia" aired on 9/25