March Madness is here, which means you need to get your head in the game with making brackets, watching matches and knowing the b–ball lingo. But for you non–sports fans out there who want in on the action, Ego has some tips on how to navigate the tournament without looking like you’ve gone completely, well, mad.
1) Mention that one time when Penn made it to the Final Four...in 1979. Hey, better once than never, right? (Looking at you, Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia, Cornell…)
2) Comment on the style of all the coaches and how none of them can compare to Jerome Allen's Italian suits.
3) Design your bracket based on which mascot would win in a fight. Keep in mind this approach automatically rules out Penn, since, you know, Quakers are pacifists.
4) Throw names like Gonzaga, Wichita and Valparaiso in a sentence every once and a while so people will know that you’re not just someone on the Big 10 bandwagon.
5) Poke fun at the basic bitches who put all the #1 seeds in the Final Four. Don’t they know that that’s only happened once before, in 2008? Amateurs.
6) Go with your Gut. As in Gutmann. Don’t let Amy G. down! Refuse to root for anyone but the Quakers. Team spirit, am I right?
