You know that hideous burnt sienna shag carpet that covered your grandma’s floor? Well now it’s the color of a rotten PSL. But waste can really hurt the world. Lowbrow has ten Pinterest–ready ideas to turn the carpet into something useful.
1. You’ve always wanted to ride an elephant and now you’re one step closer! Take the carpet and make it into the perfect elephant saddle. If it’s good enough, the elephant will know and she will come.
2. Mondrian has nothing on a rectangle of shag on your wall.
3. Do the curtains match the carpet? Answer this for yourself by making shag carpet eyebrows and hot glue them over your own.
4. Want to impress those snotty recruiters? Make sure to print your resume on the back of your shag carpet to make a real impression!
5. Capes are all the rage in Versace’s new line. Make your own statement on a budget—plus, now your cape’s train can be as long as you want. Take up all of Locust Walk; I dare you.
6. Have revenge sex with your ex on this. Nothing stings worse than rug burn on the ass.
7. You know that time when you had to break your arm instead letting the cult leader kill your pet gecko? Crying into the shag carpet will make the problem feel more whimsical.
8. Protect your pie from your roommates by covering it with shag carpet. Ignore them when they ask, “Why is there shag carpet in the fridge?”
9. Nothing says "man" more than assless chaps made of shag.
10. If Shaggy’s back, then shag carpet is too. Cover your house in it. We’re serious. Do it now.