The pillars in the Huntsman Hall forum

Wall profile: Smooth brick. Deceptively tractionless. Wear shoes with a good grip.

Target audience: Finance students that inexplicably always wear suits. Also, lowly non–Whartonites that got kicked out of GSRs and are forced to do work in the Forum instead.

Musical accompaniment: “Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani. Obviously.

Twerk here if: you're trying to seduce a Wharton mate to support you after you graduate with a College degree and no job prospects.

The wall separating the M&T office walkway from the plebes the next building

Wall profile: Very rough surface (ideal for supporting your propped up feet!). A little more secluded of an area, perfect for the shyer twerkers among us.

Target audience: Bewildered students in the prestigious Jerome Fisher Management and Technology Program trying to enter or exit the office.

Musical accompaniment: All of the Baby Mozart albums, because being near M&T inspired you to improve your cognitive functioning.

Twerk here if: you want a twerking environment tucked away in a mentally stimulating nook of campus.


Wall profile: Smooth red paint. Be considerate and take your shoes off so you don't mark the walls.

Target audience: People who gave up waiting in the Chipotle line. 

Musical accompaniment: “Bailando” by Enrique Iglesias. Probably the most authentically Latin American element of the entire restaurant. 

Twerk here if: you want to remain incognito. If you're spotted by someone you know, they won't tell anyone because they don't want to admit to having been in Qdoba. Another perk: if you get hungry, you can always take a quick break with some guac and chips.

Wall with the giant Penn Crest in Wynn Commons

Wall profile: Tall cement slab. Contains more school spirit than probably the entire student body combined.

Target audience: Pre–college high schoolers and their parents taking tours of campus.

Musical accompaniment: “The Red and the Blue” lyrics written by Harry E. Westervelt. Hurrah, hurrah, Pennsylvania!

Twerk here if: you want to be included in the background of the Instagram every prospective student posts of them posing front of the crest.

Fisher Fine Arts Main Room

Surface profile: Smooth white stone.

Target audience: Sleep–deprived, wild–eyed freshmen furiously typing away on their writing sem final portfolios. Also, the mice infestation responsible for getting your bag checked for food upon entering.

Musical accompaniment: None. Be careful not to make any noise or the people studying there might actually murder you.

Twerk here if: you want to practice twerking in complete silence.

Glass walls of an Education Commons GSR

Wall profile: Slippery. Transparent. Come equipped with proper footwear.

Target audience: Athletes and/or the three students actually willing to embark on the lengthy expedition that is walking all the way down there.

Musical accompaniment: Any gentle piano music. Can function both to provide calming study music to the people in the GSR and to soothe those sleeping on the giant bean bags in the main room. 

Twerk here if: you want your twerk staccato to be visible from all directions, courtesy of the see–through supporting wall.


All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.