By far the most important element in getting hired for the job of your dreams is properly stalking your interviewer before the interview takes place.
We were able reach out to Ernie Gilroy (W ‘16) to write about his experience doing exactly that a year ago for his interview with Silverman Sacks. Here is his account:
Five days before my interview for an audit analyst position with Silverman, I received an email from my interviewer notifying me of his position at the company, where the interview would take place and, most importantly, his name. The name was all I needed to find out everything about him, including his address. I drove up to his Brookville, New York mansion one morning while he was at work, allowing me to find some decent hiding spots where I could spy on him from when he returned home. Later that day, I returned and, while hiding behind some bushes outside of his room, I learned some vital information.
I noticed that he was eating pizza and buffalo wings in his room for dinner, but the most shocking part of it all was that he was using ranch dressing with his celery in lieu of the more traditional blue cheese. What might’ve been more interesting, though, was that he started masturbating after finishing his dinner. He did so while wearing what first appeared to be a cheetah costume, but upon closer inspection was unequivocally a luscious leopard one. He was watching some pretty messed up stuff on his computer while doing so, but I repressed that memory for the most part. He went to sleep immediately after, still donning leopard attire. Overall, I found out that we had a lot more in common than I had anticipated and was ecstatic to find that my spying and inadvertent voyeurism worked out as planned.
I soon realized that what I had discovered through that eye–opening stalking experience would prove to be invaluable. I confidently strolled into his office a few days later for the interview. When he asked if he could get me any coffee or water or anything, I asked him if he had any ranch. He was stunned. He pulled a bowl of ranch dressing from right under his desk and we shared it throughout the interview’s entirety. Though I couldn’t accurately answer any of his questions about the job itself, he kept saying he liked my aura and wanted to know what my spirit animal was. Of course, I told him that I was a leopard without hesitation. He was in complete awe. Needless to say, I got the job.