(Los Angeles, California) Most film producers are absolutely thrilled to be releasing this year's slate of movies. “We’ve learned from previous years what makes a great movie. So we’re building off of our successful past by doing the exact same thing, over and over again,” said a spokesperson for Paramount Pictures. “This year, we are releasing the 13th installment of the Star Trek series. It will have aliens and shit.” When asked how it will be different from previous installments of the series, the spokesperson merely responded, “It won’t be.”

Taking a similar approach, Dreamworks is releasing several animated features this year, including Kung Fu Panda 17. “Just like Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2, it will have several jokes that no one with a thinking capacity higher than that of a highly literate toaster oven could possibly enjoy. Thankfully, the American public doesn’t have such a capacity. 20th Century Fox hopes to compete with Kung Fu Panda 17 in the family market by releasing another Alvin and the Chipmunks: Bloods vs Chips movie. The film has received high praise from critics who have given it a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes.

In the action and adventure section genre, Marvel is hoping to corner the market with several superhero movies. According to an email we’ve received from Marvel’s press office, making so many movies in a year is “easy” if they all have the same plot. “It’s simple, really: boy meets one–dimensional girl, boy is bitten by an insect, boy develops superpowers, explosions disorient the audience and then boy rescues one–dimensional girl. Easy.” 

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