Penn might have recently been named one of the top schools in America for academics again, but we all know we’ve fallen from our most notable ranking as Playboy’s number one party school in 2014––and it’s probably because of weekends like this. While there was a lack of putting the “extra” in “extracurriculars” this time around, Highbrow’s never one to leave you high and dry.

Vision got Smokey this weekend when a couple of men notably past twenty–fun seemed to be more interested in a bar brawl than crawl as they attempted to bully their way into the establishment. Our unlucky hero came in the form of a ZBT senior hoping to pub–licly defend Smokes’ honor. The match soon burned out, but the fight wasn’t the only thing that came to a close. He walked away with a black eye and a whole lot of pride as he rolled back into Smokes' the next night for his 21st birthday like any true hero would.

While attempting to float into post–practice slumber, members of the women’s swim team dove into a different kind of wetness when they heard something fishy and ventured up to the top of their house to see what was making waves. The mystery sound turned out to be a mystery pound when they realized it was two randos having sex on their roof. The two uninvited guests must’ve wanted some advice on their breaststroke. Or maybe they were just staying up all night to get Lochte. Either way, we hope they Phelped themselves to some protection before they had to (butter)fly their way down the fire escape.

Although it seemed like everyone was hitting the books this weekend, an SDT girl and ZBT boy were hitting it off while getting sexual—and not so textual—in the Judaica section of 4th floor VP. While we think the srat–frat combo is Jew for a change, mazel tov to the happy couple for pleasuring them–shelves and Deweying the nasty. 


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