1. Heelys
Fashionable in every season. Hopefully, you already own a pair and we didn’t have to tell you to get these. It’s much easier to ignore flyers on Locust when you’re wheeling past ‘em at the speed of light.
2. The rotted pine needles of an old Christmas tree
You can probably thrift one of these from your very own sidewalk. The fact that Christmas was a month ago makes this one of the season’s most ironic looks. Channukah might last eight nights, but the commercialization of Christmas makes it last forever.
3. A smile tortured grimace of someone who hasn’t seen the sun in months and has nothing to look forward to.
Admittedly the most basic of our recommendations. I mean, who doesn’t have one?
4. Burning fires of hell
It’s too frickin' cold for anything less. And hey, may as well get used to these now. It’s like Katniss —but less Hollywood and more West Philly.
5. A Literal Canadian Goose
Functional and fashionable. This is a roommate who is guaranteed not to eat your food. This is a friend who will bite the fingers off anyone who gets too close. This is an international bestie who will get you into Castle any day of the week. The bird shit might get gross, but that’s a small price to pay.
6. Your chem textbook
If you wear it, maybe your TA will think you’ve read it?
7. The ghosts of failed gluten–free diet attempts past
Be honest with your past, embrace it, love it, wear it!
8. Shit-stained, pee-stained, dirt-covered icy slush
You’ll match perfectly with our gorgeous campus! Isn’t Penn beautiful all year round?
