If you were to describe Penn’s hookup culture, it would probably be “fucked up.” I mean this completely literally, as well as metaphorically. We either have serious relationships or casual sex. The casual nature of the Penn hookup culture can be challenging, but it’s also kinda sorta the best thing that could happen to someone. I’ve learned a lot about myself through my hookups—I’ve learned to love myself and my body, I’ve learned how to love another person, I’ve learned how to hate a person and I’ve also learned how to be okay with the concept of casual sex.
I am the resident sexpert to all my friends, and yes, I am qualified(?) to write this column. Street asked you to submit your most pressing questions, and you guys have a lot of stuff going on. So, I’ve picked my favorites. Let’s talk about sex.
Where do I start if I want to spice things up and get kinkier in bed? Also, how do I bring it up with my partner?
Take. It. Slow: Don’t 50 Shades it right away…if you do that, you’ll be turned off by toys and kink forever. It will leave a bad taste in your mouth (maybe literally?).
Start with something small, like a blindfold. The key here is to not go out of your way to buy anything. Instead, you can use things you already have around your house. For example, try a t-shirt for a blindfold, a shoelace for handcuffs, etc. (ed. note: See this primer on kinky sex at Penn).
I do not recommend walking into a sex shop before you’ve experimented. If you walk in there and you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’re going to be turned off (alternatively, you could walk in and realize this is your calling and you’re the next Christian Grey and then go home and paint your Radian room a bright red, get some leather and start your own #PleasureChest. If you do this, call me.)
Talk to your partner: Just because you’re into trying to spice up your sex life doesn’t mean your partner is. It’s so important to make sure you are both on the same page, and want the same things. Make a list of things you want to try ASAP, things you know you don’t want to try, things you might want to try in the future, fantasies, etc. Obviously you both want a good sex life—but you and your partner might have different ideas of how to accomplish that.
The most important thing about kinky sex is communication and consent. You MUST make sure you’re talking to your partner before, during and after. Plus, talking dirty is a great way to start. If you let your partner know what’s working and what’s not, I guarantee you’re going to have the best sex of your life.
Stay tuned for more sex Q&A's in the weeks to come!