Wharton senior Hugh Robinson, who recently accepted a return offer at Goldman Sachs, found himself reminiscing on the convenience of freshman year romance last week as he quite obviously tried to break his way into an Upper Quad entryway. 

“Honestly, I miss it. Freshman year, when that cute girl I DFMO’d with during Fling lived one hall over and one floor below, it was almost too easy to pursue the ardent passion we had ignited at Backlot,” said Robinson.

Despite the fact that he has not lived in the Quad for three years, Robinson added that he was confident he could navigate the often–confusing freshman dorm with ease. 

“It’s honestly like riding a bike,” Robinson said, as he jimmied open a Class of ‘28 door. “Once you learn the ropes, you can never really forget.”

However, an Upper Quad RA, who wishes to remain anonymous, disputes this story. She claims she came across Robinson at around 1:30am, sitting outside of the lounge in the Class of ‘28 hallway, muttering to himself, “Which one is Fitler? Is that in the nipple?”

Even with his success in obtaining a job at the prestigious Goldman Sachs, thus securing his five–year plan, it appears Robinson failed where it really counted—figuring out which hallways in Fisher connect so that he could go hook up with a freshman named Jackie.

Questions about whether Robinson was disappointed to have missed the opportunity to hook up in the bathrooms were not returned by press time.