Bankers, Franzia and Fireball are old friends to the frequent drinker, but how well do we really know these nighttime companions? College students know frighteningly little about the alcohol they consume on a regular basis and the health effects associated with what they put in their SOLO cup. Shoutout to all the non–drinking Quakers out there: you're making the healthy choice in more ways than one. But for those of us who enjoy a little fermentation in our beverages, here's your healthiest alcohols ranked: 


#4 Vodka

Sugar–free, fat–free, colorless, it’s just like water! Except not. Since it’s so popular in mixed drinks and it’s easy to make a shot disappear in seconds, the amount of calories you consume when drinking vodka can often skyrocket without you noticing. But vodka has some redeeming qualities, like helping stimulate free flow of blood through the arteries, therefore aiding cardiovascular health. Vodka also relaxes you more effectively than the alcohol–equivalent of red wine, but you didn’t need a study to tell you that. 

Calories per Serving: 94 Cal/1.5 fl oz

Alcohol per Volume: 40%

Nutritional Value: 3/10

Likelihood of falling down stairs after a few drinks (LFDSAFD): 10/10

#3 Champagne

The antioxidants found in red wine are also found in champagne! Go for the brut variety, which is less sweet and therefore contains less sugar. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you'll avoid waking up with a throbbing headache. In other unfortunate news, champagne has high acidity levels, which can gradually damage your protective tooth enamel.

Calories per Serving: 84 Cal/4 fl oz.

Alcohol per Volume: 12.5%

Nutritional Value: 5/10 

LFDSAFD: 3/10 (unless it’s New Year’s Eve or boozy brunch, in which case, 8/10)

#2 Tequila

Watching your figure (and still drinking)? Can you stop yourself after one or two shots? Tequila has a surprising number of beneficial properties when taken in moderation. The agavins that make up tequila are sugars that the body can’t digest and therefore won’t raise your blood sugar levels. Tequila can also stimulate your metabolism and burn fat. Chase with a lime for a dose of Vitamin C and call it a juice cleanse.

Calories per Serving: 104 Cal/1.5 oz 

Alcohol per Volume: 40%

Nutritional Value: 8/10

LFDSAFD: 11/10

#1 Red Wine

Red wine in moderation is linked to reduced risk for heart disease due to the fact that it contains polyphenols, a type of antioxidant that can benefit your health by lowering blood pressure, reducing inflammation, and improving cardiovascular health as a whole. There’s a reason Cersei Lannister has made it this long.

Calories per Serving: 125 Cal/5 fl oz.

Alcohol per Volume: 14%

Nutritional Value: 8/10