Lowbrow
Osama's Corner
Osama's Corner is a new column designed to bring our readers an inside look at the life of the world's most misunderstood recluse, Osama Bin Laden.
Word on the street: Star Struck
When I reflect upon the train-wreck that is Lindsay Lohan, I can't help but feel a tinge of pity. What ever happened to our little girl, that innocent, inhumanly freckled Parent Trap star?
Top Ten Things you SAID you did over break
10. Read E.L. Doctorow's new book, The March 9. Spent quality time with your family 8. Relaxed in the sun 7.
Happy Birthday
This week's campus profile was supposed to feature an exclusive interview with Career Service's one and only Peggy Curchack.
From the editor
January needs something. It's easily the worst month, if we pretend that February -- the month when watching puppies slowly die is better than living -- doesn't exist.
The top TEN Of Everything by Michael Kind and Jonah Platt
Top Ten Best Episodes of Saved By The Bell as reviewed by Street Correspondant Willy Goodfellow 10.
Street beats
Sorority rush numbers up by 11 percent. Pointy-toed shoe industry prepares for market boom. Death of Turkish girl linked to bird flu. Sparrow sues for libel. Chile elects first woman president.
Word on the street: Everybody Must Get Stoned
Last week I attended my first communist youth rally as a token gesture toward the burgeoning popularity of Penn's Soviet youth culture.
From Ronald Reagan
In case you children forgot, or never knew, I died last year. Yep, even the ol' gipper himself succumbs.
Street Beats
Insomnia Cookies and Bucks County Coffee team up. Giving insomniacs coffee? That's like giving crack whores crack. Three homes hit by burglars over break. Reportedly, the burglars did not take anything, but left many fist-sized holes in the walls. Trustee gives $25 million to name health center.
From the Editor
I've sort of been planning this letter for three years. God, this is embarrassing. So, the truth comes out.
Rejected Street Reviews
Glowing bright red calls you to the room, the familiar cursive script rising vertically along the powerful machine.
Review
America Online AOL 9.0: Up to 1000 Hours Free!" Rock icon America Online has returned with its ninth studio album AOL 9.0: Up to 1000 Hours Free and unfortunately has only delivered more of the same.
Red, White and Bluth
The word on the street is that you, Penn students, have f*cked up. You've neglected the masterpiece that is Arrested Development. Despite volumes of critical praise and six Emmy's including Outstanding Comedy Series, you've refused to watch this brilliant program.
The Safety Dance
Every year, eager freshmen squabble for seats at Irvine for the Penn Safety Video by the Penn Campus Police.
Street Beats
Wolf Blitzer speaks to Penn students on honesty in the media. His remarks were brief and evasive. Four violent weekend robberies may be linked. Each incident reportedly includes people taking things from other people. Fox's Arrested Development cancelled. In the words of Gob Bluth, they've made a huge mistake. Surprise gift makes Penn $14M richer.
Cultural Elite 2005
Chris Amos: Wharton Inspiration makes female population wonder if making love too many times with someone's eyes has ophthalmologic side affects. Danny Aranda: You might remember him as the brooding boy who walked around looking cool in his thick glasses.
Historical elite
Adolf Hitler: Noted Francophile and rare Chinese antiques collector, this Whartonite and self-proclaimed Leader of the Aryan Race hated on ethnicities old school.
Word on the street; Absolut Middle School
On breaks from college in the early years, I slept in the white sleigh bed that I begged for in third grade.
