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Scubbin' Guide to Diner Management
As Three's Company proved to us so many years ago, three is a magic number. In that spirit, the third diner in as many years will occupy that coveted spot on Walnut Street.
A message from the pfine pfolks at pfyzor
(Note: For those of you too stupid to figure it out, the following piece is a parody of an official message.
Streetbeats
hand plant Last Will and Testament. In light of rampant death, Americans are reconsidering their wills.
Surreal and the city: Philadelphia scrapple
"Just shove it in there... oweee." "You can't shove just anything into certain orifices." "Don't point that thing at me." "Ow, you banged that thing into my tooth, motherfucker." It is 3 a.m.
Room: Zucchinis -- That is some ripe shit, yo
Room: 326 Community Cohabitants: Tim Johnson (goatee) and Chris Mingle, College freshmen from Philadelphia. When you two get into a fight, what's the first object in the room you grab for? Tim: I think the signs are usually good. Chris: I try and hit him with the hubcap. Tim: It's like a Frisbee, and it can really [do some] damage. What do you usually put in your shopping cart? Chris: Umm... people. Tim: We use it to catch basketballs when we play hallway bowling. What music were you listening to while decorating? Tim: "Like a Prayer" by Madonna. Chris: Yeah, that was a good one. That makes sense.
Surreal and the city: Is that a drunk at my feet?
Lured by the promise of stiff drinks and the overzealous leather-clad dancers that characterize Philly's club scene, we down cheap wine and go looking for a good time club-hopping downtown. Our first stop isÿthe new Club Life on Third Street between Market and Chestnut.
Skating, Philly Style
On the granite stairs leading to Houston Hall, serious college students flock with books in hand, anxious for a warm meal inside.
Music: Girl Power
If there's nothing sexier than a girl who is angry and horny, imagine two of them: one wields a fiddle, the other a dildo. Of course, that's not all that Bitch and Animal are; these two charming ladies have a great many faces and even more euphemisms for the female anatomy.
MOVIES: Big Trouble
Big Trouble is best defined by two of its many long running jokes: fritos and goats. If these two gimmicks don't sound funny on their own, or together, then Big Trouble's makers hope they will be funny after you see them a million times.
MOVIES: Hearts in Atlantis
Watching Hearts in Atlantis, you get the feeling that all involved should have just quit while they were ahead.
MOVIES: The Musketeer
The Musketeer has all of the usual action flick failings: uneven script, flat characters, poor acting.
Music: Sushi-powered music
The Mad Capsule Markets is the latest Japanese rock band attempting to break down the East-West music barrier and make it huge in the United States.
ROOM: Nobody Likes Tuscan Eggplants Anymore
Room: Ware 229 Cohabitants: Hsiao-Ying Chin of Brooklyn and Lori White of St. Louis, College freshmen Do you want some Pez? Lori: Sure Hsiao-Ying: No.
Music: More than just music
Last week was one of those weeks that will always be remembered. It was one of the longest, hardest weeks faced by this country, and it created a new sense of fear across the 50 states.
LICORICE: Confessions of a Chronic Masturbator
Like every male student at Penn, I have spent many depressing hours trying on my dad's condoms in public bathrooms, attempting to enlarge my penis with a paper towel roll and a vacuum cleaner, performing different yoga postures in attempts to give myself head and masturbating to alligator week on Animal Planet.
Music: Kiss your ass goodbye
Let's get one thing straight: Jadakiss is a born and bred gangsta. Gangstas spend a significant amount of time selling crack and a lesser amount counting their money and putting bullets in the people who cross them.
STREETbeats
HAPPY DRUNK Junk Food Crackdown. Some states have decided to attack candy and soda consumption in schools.
