Playlists
Someone's Been Hitting' The Hooch A Little Too Hard
Joke Issue: Cruising around the Big Apple in his flivver for hire, Lenny the Cabbie has seen his fair share of odd birds.
1934 Yummy Awards
Joke Issue Most Non–Liquidy: Evaporated Milk Longest Walk on the Wild Side: Wild Cherry Life Savers King of Carbonation: Royal Crown Cola Fudgiest: Carvel Ice Cream Most Glamorous: Ritz Crackers
Drink Of The Week: Whiskey Toddy
Joke Issue: Now that Prohibition is FINALLY over (it’s about time, you horrid, fun–hating imbeciles), we can kick back with a nice pick–me–up. Ingredients: 1 tsp.
Breadlines Are Not Just For Squares
Joke Issue: Times are tough. Food is expensive and we’re all hungry. Follow these simple rules to get the most out of your local breadlines so your family can stop eating potatoes for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
From Eleanor's Kitchen To Your Stomach
By Linus Breadman Street: Eleanor, this Jell–O salad is simply magnificent. What’s in it? Eleanor Roosevelt: Lemon Jell–O, canned pineapple, carrots, mayonnaise and chopped walnuts.
Ego Of The Week: John Pennypacker
Joke Issue: John Pennypacker, captain of the football team, loves underground lairs and dance floor spotlights.
How To Depression–Proof Your Wardrobe
Joke Issue: In these times, it takes a little creativity to spice up your wardrobe — food stamps don’t apply to boutique shopping.
Life In A Hooverville: A Reflection
Joke Issue: By Tom Joad Four months ago when my family lost our house, we moved in with cousins and patiently awaited the day when we would move back home to indoor heating.
Everyday Etiquette
Joke Issue: The Dearest Father in Heaven knows it is a grand trick for a university man to manage his social situations with class and grace — perhaps even trickier than explaining bathing to a bearded Spaniard!
Fascist Foodies
Joke Issue: Our blessed motherland hath of late emerged from a most barbarous quarrel with the diabolical tyrants across the great sea.
How To Date On A Dime
Joke Issue: Though all of our purses feel a mite lighter of late, the ladies need never concern themselves with such matters of politick and finance!
Puntal/Contrapuntal: Big Bands Vs. Small Bands
Joke Issue: I LIKE BIG BANDS By Bubba "Hands" McNulty Hey fellas. Depression got you down?
Venues 'N' Shit: Homeless Haven
Joke Issue: By Rack 'Em Rack Willie Oh freight train. I remember when you used to come 'round these parts.
One Track Mind: Shirley Temple "Baby, Take A Bow"
Joke Issue: While we’re still years away from any comprehensive child labor legislation, one little girl is toiling away, and her hard work is paying off.
Defibrillator: Arthur Fields "Hunting The Hun" (1917)
Joke Issue: Back during the Great War, while most of my pals back home were drinking and carousing, listening to that “jazz” music, I was stuck, cowering in a trench in France.
Word On The Street
Joke Issue: Thoughts by Cholly Knickerbocker Yesterday evening, in what can only be proclaimed as an offense against my rather placid senses, a certain co–resident of mine — a man who we in the Quadrangle are ashamed to call one of our own, although he shall remain unnamed — disdained me for foregoing the traditional shirt and cummerbund combination in favor of the slightly marvelous backless waistcoats, seen on Savile Row this past year.
Overheard At Penn
Joke Issue: Young Lady On Locust: Who’s General Franco? Other Young Lady On Locust: He’s trying to free the Mexicans, of course! Dashing Young Dandy: I mockingly asked her to, you know, be my Mata Hari, and she blushed and asked me to leave … When did women get so puritannical? Less Dashing Dandy: When they stopped wearing corsets. Fraternity Brother: Syphilis doesn't exist.
The Septic Tank
Joke Issue: Hello hello, Cholly here! Good morrow ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another fine week in the year 1934.
