Winter’s coming: the air is crisp, there’s a new One Direction album and food’s running scarce. What would happen if you didn’t have nuts left to eat (or play with)? We don’t want to find out. Lowbrow has constructed a guide to storing your nuts, keeping them safe and making sure they don’t go rancid!

Keep them wrapped tight—plastic baggies, saran wrap and jock straps work great.

Remove moisture—use Arm & Hammer or Ben Gay.

Mark your territory—lick them often so no one else will take them.

Check for mutations—feel them consistently to make sure nothing is growing on them.

Make them pretty—you should always wash, shine and sand your nuts.

Name them—Todd works great.

Keep them safe—losing them might hurt your stomach or masculinity.

Remember, nuts come in all different shapes and sizes so embrace the ones you got! (Ed. note: Brazil nuts are the best though, they’re so smooth!)