Girl on Locust: Honestly, I am so into homosexuals.


OCRing junior: I’m gonna work at Walnut Street Capital. It’s jerking off a homeless man under a bridge for 25 cents.


Olympics enthusiast: Rooting for Russia is like rooting for Voldemort.


VP scholar: I’m like relaxed enough to be from the West Coast but cynical enough to be from the East Coast, you know?


Sorostitute: I wish I could say I don’t love dads anymore, but I do.