Ethereal Bisexual Daughter: "I came out via the Penn Marriage Pact." 

Ethereal Bicurious Son: "He tried men the way he tried LSD in the 70s." 

Bimbofeminists’ PR Rep: “I'm a whore but I'm not stupid.” 

L. Jarry Lameson: "Who needs a couples massage when you can have couples Botox." 

Amanda Bradford, founder of The League: “I check LinkedIn before Instagram.” 

She’s a 10, but all her Apology Texts are Press Releases: “Why do you think the president resigned? It’s because they didn’t know how to communicate at this university.”

Sex Reparations Activist: “For all the times I didn’t get quid pro blow I deserve a lick ‘n’ leave.”