Betch about betchier betch: She seriously needs to stop. I just watched her 50 second Snapstory about today’s Magic Carpet cookie flavors.

Female Commons employee: He says, “I love you, baby," and he’s fucking me over in the same breath.

Drunk bro with eyes closed: I’ve hooked up with her, I’ve fucked her, but I don’t talk to her.

Girl in Allegro booth: You need to take a shower, you reek of bad decisions.

Prospective student on a tour: Do you know where I can find a Frackit. You know, a frat jacket?