Huntsman senior: I would never have sleepovers with my hookups—my breath smells like a diaper in the morning, and I get really self conscious about it.

Sorority sisters at the Penn bookstore: Stop doing coke with babies on a Tuesday!

Kid at Wharton dual degree party: So, a bowl is a receptacle for smoking marijuana, right?

Guy in bear costume outside Wishbone: Xanax gets you more fucked up than Molly. I'm try a organize a pledge class acid trip

Girl on Locust: I really want to go on birth control! No wait, Birthright, not control.