Delancey Boy 1: What did we do on your 21st?

Delancey Boy 2: You gave me sickest vinyl ever and then I yacked on your French press.

Drunk betch: You abandoned us for a lesbian boy.

Spiritual JAP: i plan on being a Buddhist in my retirement, but I need to raise my kids jewish first.

Guy at date night pointing at frat composites: See, we used to have Asians!

Matter of fact dude on locust: It doesn't matter how many people you have sex with. It matters how many people want to have sex with you.