Senior Lauren Conway can now add “Nobel Laureate” to her resume.
In an unusual turn of events, the Wharton senior was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize this past week. Lauren was recognized for her ability to make it through an entire winter break without murdering, or even seriously harming, a member of her family.
The odds were stacked against her, given that she had an overbearing mother who greeted her every morning asking when she was planning to work out (“She looks so pretty when she goes to the gym,” Mrs. Conway told Street), a dad committed to repeating the same puns over and over again (“It’s punny!” he wrote in an email) and two younger brothers whose preferred extracurricular activity was to disable her iPhone. Though prizes are typically given out in December to reflect an extraordinary accomplishment which took place over the course of the preceding year, Lauren was awarded hers in just the second week of January. But Director of the Nobel Institute Olav Njølstad explained that “there is no one who could possibly surpass Ms. Conway’s actions in 2017.”
Street met with Lauren to discuss just how she achieved this epic feat.
“It was, like, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done," Lauren said. "I seriously didn’t think I could make it,”
She described some of the moments she came closest to failure. “My mom kept asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. Excuse me for being a free spirit. Like, I legit almost killed her.”
Against all odds, however, Lauren did not kill her mother.
Lauren’s friends were similarly surprised and impressed at this distinction. “I had no idea she was so strong,” said self-described best friend Jenny Lewis. Jenny told Street, “Of course she deserves a prize. I didn’t even make it a week.” Jenny’s arraignment is set for next week. There is no bail. Lauren's boyfriend expressed shock as well, noting that “this makes me feel a lot better about our relationship. It’s pleasantly surprising.”
Despite the newfound fame, not much has changed since returning to campus. “I updated my PennLink, so that was cool,” Lauren said.
And her parents?
“We’re so proud,” her father told us.
“I just wish she had lost two pounds before the Nobel winners photo shoot,” Mrs. Conway remarked.
Lauren herself had this say: "I just hope they know how lucky they are to have me as a daughter." She rolled her eyes. "I could be a drug addict, like seriously.”
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons.