Freshman: "What do you mean by 'hooked up?' Became really good friends?"
Exasperated storyteller on Locust: "And I was gay the whole time!"
Literal cradle–robber: "If I was drunk, I would steal this baby."
ACCT 101 bro mid–lecture: "Dude, I'm about to get fisted."
Freshman boy to his horde in CVS' Family Planning Aisle: "I don't want to buy them. We should just put a big Prime order in soon."
Outraged betch: "I can't believe he didn't think I went to Penn. What was I supposed to do, show him my Cartier bracelet?"
Adolf Biecker regular: "I have a closer relationship with my waxer than most of my extended family."
Kylie Penn–er: "He kisses so aggressively that I think he's going to pop my lip injections."
Amy G to star–struck senior in line at Capo: "You're next."
Cocaine connoisseur: "Please. I don't do my coke off any mirror. It's Dior."
Confused enginerd at Banana Leaf: "Wacka Flacka? Is that a dance?"
Shoe–in at a cappella auditions: "I have perfect pitch. They say I'm like Bob Dylan, but better."
Male Trader Joe's employee exiting storage room with a female TJ's employee: "So, was that as good for you as it was for me?"