Resigned WASP: “I stopped believing when God failed to answer my prayers for good dick.”
Board casting a play (or describing a typical Penn student): "She's really unpleasant and entitled, but that's just part of her personality."
High-riser: “I smoked before going through the wind tunnel and I swear I could SEE the wind.”
Will probably end up working at Goldman: "I just realized I can’t apply for the FBI internship because I’ve done way too many drugs."
WASP who has out-WASPed herself: "My mom had to drive Katherine Heigl from Manhattan to The Hamptons and back; she's so tired now."