Radian Resident: "My apartment is a power bottom."
Self–Aware Sexter: "I can't run for office, I have too many nudes in circulation."
Junior, post–hookup: "He's objectively ugly, but he has long hair."
Shrink Elitist: "He's a Rittenhouse Therapist; you probably haven't heard of him."
Statesman Reader: "This is so funny! I mean, this is sarcastic, right?"
Wharton Romantic: "I'm thinking about getting the Bain Capital logo vajazzled for Valentine's Day."
Astute Sophomore: "Move over, Frontera—the best place to SABS is CAPS."