Disheartened Junior: “Oh you gave me flowers, but you didn’t make me come...”

Out–of–Touch Pretty Boy: “I miss my $100 haircuts back home.” 

Lusty Christian: “He kind of gives off a sexy priest vibe.”

Arie Stan: “You’ve never seen the Bachelor? That’s un–American.”

Confused Bio 101 Student: “My parents are each other’s identical twins.”

Wharton Professor: “Don’t do drugs, kids. Or at least don’t fail your drug tests.”

Transportation Lover: “I chase more Ubers than boys.”