Former Street media director prepping for married life: “I’ve been microdosing by having a glass of wine with dinner every night.”

Pragmatist: "A nipple light is FAR more valuable than one year of dental school."

Disaffected TA: “Once you start getting a Ph.D, it’s hard to like things anymore.”

Good at holding a grudge: “He might be the worst person I’ve ever met. Even though he picked me up from jail one time."

The Pride of Penn Vet: "I wish I was a horse so I could take ketamine without being judged."

Wingman: “Yeah, I share a bathroom with this guy and he’s really clean.”