Seasonally Observant Professor: “I always know when it's springtime because undergraduates start making out on College Green." 

Straight Srat Star Seeks Someone Sexy: “I can't find love this next week because I'm constantly surrounded by sixty-eight girls."

Local Memelord-in-Residence: “It's been two weeks of having Tik Tok on my phone and my screen time has gone up by, like, 20%." 

Disillusioned Democrat: "Fuck capitalism! But I'm also capitalism's little bitch."

Unfarely Disadvantidged Aplicant: "How do you get a fellowship without being able to spell?"

Dirty Chai Aficionado: "Oh, my god. It looks filthy. Thank you."

Sexually Frustrated Germaphobe: "I think I got cockblocked by coronavirus last night."