Art History Student With A Bad Boy Fetish: "Satan looks hot here."

Lowest Reviewed Life Coach On Yelp: “I ate a chicken cheesesteak, jerked off, then cried myself into a coma.”

Professor Who Just Told Everyone To Fuck Off: "I bet your professor's never told you to fuck off." 

Nostalgic Fashionista: "I used to think that blue and purple matched so i’d wear them all the time together.”

Local Sadist: "I literally cannot wait to haze someone." 

GSWS Major: "Judith Butler wrote 'Boy Problems," right?...No, wait, that was Carly Rae Jepsen."

Forecaster Of Mass Quarantines: “The paper will be due the Thursday we get back from break. If you’ll be here.”