Free Food Aficionado: “Quarantine is my purge from having pizza literally every single night for years.”

Said simultaneously with “Do you want to go work out?”: “Do you want to make banana bread?”

Grandma, calling at 4 p.m.: “How do you make a vodka cran?”

Professor Whose Family Just Told Him to Zoom More Quietly; offscreen: “Who’s paying the bills?!”

Beacon of Health: “Pros of quarantine: I’ve been able to exercise every day and I’m not eating the snacks in my office. Cons: I have two bottles of wine every night.”

Paranoid, But Probably for No Reason: "I watched a video last night about coronavirus, immediately fell asleep, and now I have a sore throat!"