Pathological Truth–Teller: It would've given my therapist a much more honest picture of myself if I had lied to her.
Tired of Dating Wharton Men: I hate when people say that they're "socially liberal and fiscally conservative." Like, tell me you're a libertarian, and then admit you're an asshole.
Lesbian Dominatrix: I'm convinced that every straight man is a sub at heart.
Jew at Chik–Fil–A: A chicken nugget is one degree of separation from a latke.
Wannabe Joaquin Phoenix: I’m seriously thinking about asking out my Alexa. She’s really curvy—she’s literally a circle.