Playlists
Dispatch: 50 McNugget Challenge
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 50 Nuggets. 30 Minutes.
Beats at McD's
Over a period of 30 minutes, the following tracks were played at McDonald’s on 40th and Walnut streets. The cashier revealed that these lovely tunes were courtesy of “some satellite radio station.” (Tweet @34st if you have a guess—we sure don't) Allow us to break down what we heard.
McDonald's Admissions Brochure
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
McFeel the McBurn
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Look, it’s an objective fact that McDonald’s is best at at 3 a.m. Yet—hold on to your socks, ’cause this is going to blow your mind—everything at McDonald's contains calories.
Freshman Fuck Up Judy McIlwain: Fuckin' Up and Lovin' It
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Freshman fuck–up Judy McIlwain has a new “leash” on life. “Watch how many I can fit in my mouth,” she says to us—unprovoked—in a context that does not make sense. That is, until you realize she has chained herself to the 40th Street McDonald’s terrace, just trying to see how many blades of grass she can put into her mouth.
The Real 40th and Walnut Soundtrack
Because who’s even really listening to that soundtrack we detail for you on the next page?
Flirting at McDonald’s: The Guide You Never Knew You Needed
Let Ronald McDonald be the wingman beneath your wings. Order these items, and soon your crush will be begging for your Quarter Pounder.
The Round Up: McDonald's
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Ah, don’t you just love the smell of Big Macs in the morning?
Overheard at McDonald's
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 McD’s patron: If I died and went to heaven… I would still be here.
Ego of the Week: Jameson Digby
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Jameson Digby is the man behind your 3 a.m.
DIY: McFriendship Bracelets
Bond with your late–night burger pals with these trendy accessories.
McDonald's Secret Menu
Street ordered from the McDonald’s Secret Menu a la Buzzfeed.
McDonald's Calorie Equivalents
We did the math so you don't have to.
The Morning After: McDonald's
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Rise and shine!
An Open Letter to: McDonald's
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 My Dearest, Dirtiest McDonald’s, I’m young, broke, hungry and most likely drunk, so what do I do?
Backpage: McStreet
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 design by Byrne Fahey
Drink of the Week: Medium Diet Coke
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Ingredients: $1.83 paper–wrapped straw This diet–friendly reinvention of the classic virgin rum and Coke is surprisingly easy to prepare.
Let's Do Brunch: Blind Date Edition
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 Tired of the same old dating options, freshman Largo Fry asked Lowbrow to set him up with someone fresh and exciting for a blind brunch date to 40th and Walnut.
Television Showdown: McDonald's vs. Taco Bell
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013 McDonald's The Set-Up: The 24–inch Westinghouse TV is only visible from about four seats (strategically nailed into the floor), and the subtitles are only visible from about two.
