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Ask LaLa: On Becoming Headmaster
Dear LaLa, Last week I was blowing this guy after my date night and everything was going pretty well.
Overheard at Penn: 04.03.2014
JAP: How does Ernest Owens have a boyfriend and I don’t? (Ed. Note: Ernest also was selected for EOTW and you weren't.) Guy on Locust: They couldn’t get actual drugs, so she took a horse tranquilizer. Pledge: My Tinder standards are, like, not as low as my real standards. Hipster: Once I realized they were in Pikapp I was like “WTF” because I thought they went to Drexel.
If Highbrow Had A Million Dollars...
Here's how much of it we'd shell out to see each of these things go down.
Word on the Street: The Lucky Ones
Last Thursday, Penn released its regular admission decisions for the class of 2018. Only 9.9% of the 35,868 applicants were accepted.
The Round Up: 04.03.2014
Highbrow’s starting a new senior society. You want in? Sorry, we’re not looking for Greek “leaders” or overhyped athletes.
Tweet of the Week: 04.01.2014
Vote for the spring's best tweet!
Ask LaLa: Getting Lube-erated
Unlike the orgasm you faked last night, I'm real.
Word on the Street: An Hour of Our Own
Penn breeds Winners. Every hour of every day, we’re Achieving and becoming Leaders. And it never stops. 6–8 a.m., we’re competing for the title of “Woke Up Earliest to Do Homework.” 9–11 a.m., the game is on for “Has Too Much Class to Eat Breakfast.” 12–3 p.m., “Spent the Longest Amount of Time at Pottruck.” 4–6 p.m., “Too Much Volunteering to Eat Dinner.” 7–9 p.m., “Finished Lab Report Before Pregame.” 10–12 a.m., “Took Most Shots Without Blacking Out.” 1–3 a.m., “Stayed Out the Latest, No FOMO.” 4–6 a.m., “Slept the Least.” We just can’t stop competing, against our friends and ourselves.
Overheard at Penn: 03.27.2014
Pikapp pledge: We need, like, some more wholesome Protestants. We have a fair amount of Catholics, but they’re basically Jews.
The Round Up: 03.27.2014
Dear little Brownie Bites, did you have a nice weekend? Did you enjoy the sunshine while throwing back Guinness and Bailey’s?
Overheard at Penn: 3.20.2014
Theos boy: I’m kind of trendy right now.
The Meh List: Spring Break Edition
1. Mall movie theaters 2. Early morning flights 3. Continental Breakfasts 4. Florida 5. PV FOMO 6.
Word on the Street: Our Better Half
We didn’t ask for this to be easy. We didn’t come to Penn looking for a relaxing four–year spring break.
Texts From Last Night: Spring Break edition
(857): I watch more porn than I watch movies. (714): God I would jam you so hard (714): U know I’m hot as fuck (714): I don’t jerk to ppl who think I’m ugly (714): Dude ur totes buying condoms at the mall (510): Spring breakers is actually pretty accurate cause I wanna kill like everyone in Miami right now (510): Fuck I literally accidently texted my ex instead of you asking him “where he at in this gay club” (646): I don’t think I’m alive anymore...I just puked 5 times before 1pm (773): My burn finally turned to tan!! Just in time to peel off...it now looks likes splotty third nipple (508): My strep rash cleared just in time to get sunburnt (734): You’d think we’d get drunk and do something fun but we just got drunk and played monopoly (215): Damn mtha fackacs (516): She had a nipple piercing and a tramp stamp but told me not to worry because she got both when she 15.
Highbrow Does Grindr
Week two of Highbrow's immersion into the complicated world of dating apps.
The Roundup: 3.20.2014
Welcome back to Penn–adise, muchachos. Sorry you have to trade your bikinis for winter parkas. While the weather may be cold and cloudy, Highbrow is here to bring the sunshine back into your lives.
