Humor
Lowbrow Report: Sister’s Snub Seems Likely to Split Sorority
LOCUST WALK—A Penn campus sorority is in shambles after what sorority president could only call “an unprecedented disaster.” This past Sunday, an emergency chapter meeting took place at the Delta Delta Delta house to discuss the sorority’s future after Tri Delta sister–for–life Tonya Stein–Dietrich reportedly snubbed fellow sister–for–life, Jessica Hunstman. At Sunday’s emergency caucus, the first in Tri Delta’s 127–year history, Huntsman accused Stein–Dietrich of “blatantly ignoring” what Huntsman described at the stand as a “very cheerful and extremely heartfelt good morning.” “I was walking to Van Pelt via Locust, enjoying not only the fresh air, but also the campus buzz, when I unexpectedly spotted a fellow sister walking toward me,” Huntsman stated on the record to a divided chapter house. “I was filled with pure delight to see her, especially after Tonya and I made eye contact not more than a few seconds later.
Lowbrow Report: Report: College Freshman’s Sense of Self-Worth Moves from Eighth to Seventh Place
THE QUAD—Following a series of substantial changes to her rankings methodology, College Freshman Claire now finds herself in seventh place, consistent with the 2012 rankings of herself. This year marked a notable shift from years past in its focus on outcome measures from peers as opposed to personal development.
Overheard at Penn: 9.12.2013
Sad girl: I might have slept with two Penn Illusionists.
Freshman Superlatives 2013
ZACH Come with me to the dark side.
Shoutouts Spring 2013 Part Three
To blonde girls: Where are you?! —Disappointed exchange student To an AXO: I can say no. To Tyga: The University of Pennsylvania might not be your biggest fan, but somewhere a school called Penn University loves you. To the beautiful SDT sophomore I met at Shabbat dinner: Shut up.
Shoutouts Spring 2013 Part Two
To the Tier Three Fraternities: Must be nice up there. Love, Castle. To the Tier Four Fraternities: Must be nice up there.
Shoutouts Spring 2013 Part One
To my orgo lab TA: We all know your girlfriend excites your carbonyl group, but how bout you wait ‘til after class to show it? To the manager of Williams Cafe: I like you just like my coffee—tall, steaming hot and full of cream. To the freshman boy who tried to get with me this Fling: You had a booger in your nose, so you can blow yourself. To the Theos boy who probably wrote most of these cruel Shoutouts: Do you realize how much time you’re wasting writing this?
Overheard at Penn: 4.18.13
Girl: Why do you have a Penn credit card? Boy: Cause I’m a FLOSSY BITCH!
Lowbrow Presents: Fling Themes
This year is the 40th anniversary of Fling, thus the theme “40 Years of Fling.” Here are some of the other themes they were considering.
Spring Fling for any Climate
Rainy Fall Freakishly Hot Arctic
Lowbrow Presents: Ten Things That Are More Fun Than This Year’s Spring Fling Concert
1. Going to see Alesso at Villanova 2. Going to see Macklemore at Columbia 3. Listening to talk radio 4.
Overheard at Penn: 4.11.13
Girl at Starbucks: I don’t even like Fling. It’s like everyone thinks they can be drunk.
Shoutouts Spring 2013 Submissions!
[contact-form-7 id="41837" title="Shoutouts Spring 2013 Submission"]
Overheard at Penn: 4.4.13
Dude in Riepe: Orange is my color. It’s like red except, not like red.
The Rest of Penn: Editor's Choice
Best Alternative Use for Flyers You Pick Up: a. Kindling b. Quilt c.
Lowbrow's Guide to Hitting the Gym
Lowbrow gets ripped...and so can you!
Lowbrow's Guide to Advanced Registration: BUS270: Tentative Schedule
Lowbrow's Guide to Advance Registration: How to Fulfill your Requirements
Cultural Diversity in the US Bus Tour of America BUS–270–401 Hop aboard the UPenn Express for this semester–long bus ride across America.Students will get to know each other quite well as they will be on a bus together for over 500 hours!
