Sad girl: I might have slept with two Penn Illusionists.
Midget Asian with hands down his pants: I used to be straight–edged, but now I grab life by the boobs.
Sad girl #2: I like to send hungover selfies to my one–night stands the morning after, just to make sure they feel at least as much regret and disappointment as I do.
Dude: This feels like the kind of place where you’d find a lot of syringes.
