English Major, during critique: “I don’t want to be offensive to the story, but I thought a lot about Twilight while I was reading it.”

Wistful Math 114 Student: “I can’t tell if he’s gay or if he just really loves math.”

Dude shouting into Apple Watch on 38th and Spruce: “I AM BUSIER THAN YOU!”

Calm and Collected Junior: "How do I project to the world that I'm cool, but still very much a slut?”

Marie Kondo(m) Philosopher: “Guys have being using the KonMari method for ages. They’ve all decided that condoms don’t spark joy.”

Past Hookup: “I’ve used those things as earmuffs, I know your thick thighs when I see ’em.”

Thirsty Bar Patron: “I don’t want him to respect me, I want him to destroy me. Destruction. That’s the dream.”

Finance 101 Professor: “As Wharton students, I'll say this: recessions are great for people like you who have jobs. You can buy suits for half price, get into restaurants without reservations!”