Playlists
Time-rusted stone
There is absolutely no room in 2006 for Sharon Stone's 48-year-old breasts. Since Basic Instinct 2 sports scarcely any other images -- excepting car crashes and endlessly-recurring exteriors of large phallic buildings which can all be read as metaphors for Sharon Stone's breasts -- I am going to venture that there is no room in 2006 for Basic Instinct 2. A sad attempt to revive the '80s/'90s sex thriller genre, Basic Instinct 2 suffers from severe temporal confusion.
From the editor
Well first off the bat I'd like to thank everyone who voted for Best of Penn this year. The decision to make the annual completion voted on by the public was something of an experiment.
Reading rainbow
No matter where one enters Reading Terminal Market, the scenes that await are as varied as the people perusing them.
Slither me this
At first glance, nothing seems to be appealing about the new horror film Slither. In typical horror movie fashion, giant red slugs chase hapless South Carolina bumpkins up and down farm houses, through bathtubs, and other charming facets of small-town America.
Ice, Ice Mammoth
The key difference between Ice Age and Ice Age: The Meltdown is really just that everything is melting.
Starring a Band with an Asterisk
Their music has been dubbed new-wave, pop-punk and various combinations thereof, but stellastarr* just likes to call it "rock." Between watching soft-core porns and touring to promote their album, Harmonies for the Haunted, stellastarr*'s pretty busy these days. Street: How would you define your music?
Guides
Spring is here. You know what that means: warmer weather, inappropriate mating behavior and mob scenes on Locust Walk.
Not your average joe
First things first: leave that hippy aversion at home. While Trader Joe's carries more than its fair share of granola, nonfat yogurt and organic kiwis, it's also crazy cheap, exceptionally tasty, and more than equipped to handle your standard shopping needs.
The worst of Penn 2006
WORST PLACE TO STUDY ABROAD BUENOS AIRES It fucking sucks here. Everyone speaks Spanish. Who knew? WORST FORM OF THEFT PREVENTION: FRESH GROCER'S USE OF A SHARPIE ON PEOPLE'S RECEIPTS Though the pen may be mightier than the sword, it sure as hell isn't mighiter than a glock or a canister of Syntox nerve gas.
Your guide to ...
With warmer weather, a winding-down semester and spring-cleaning comes rebirth of cultural opportunity!
All hail the queen
Until the age of 18, I thought the Queen only existed on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where I spent two weeks of every summer of my childhood.
Person on the street: Crunk'd city
Street: So did you go to Penn? Kevin Kearney: I did go to Penn. Street: How long have you owned the bar for? KK: About three years. Street: What made you want to be a bar owner? KK: I didn't feel like being a teacher. Street: What do you think of the kids that come through here? KK: I think they're great. Street: Who are your favorites? KK: USP kids. Street: Really?
Thing of the Week
The Package Saver Ever wonder why there is a circular plastic tripod in the center of your pizza?
Guides
JS Bach Vocal Competition German Society of Pennsylvania 611 Spring Garden St. Fri, 7 p.m., $15 (215) 627-2332 www.bach-fest.org This vocal competition will feature people from all over the country singing arias from Bach's works, including selections from the Mass in B Minor, the Magnificat and the Weihnachtsoratorium (now say that 10 times fast). The panel of judges will be comprised of experts on Bach's arias.
7 reasons not to vote for the UA
7. You'll be graduating soon. Do you really think that any so-called improvements will actually benefit you? 6.
Shakespeare for ADD Kids and Crack Addicts
When SparkNotes just isn't funny enough, try The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged), playing at the Philadelphia Shakespeare Festival.
Ego of the Week
Jimmy Fanelly: 'I whistle when I walk.' Senior Mask and Wigger Jimmy Fanelly has the voice of an angel, the posture of a small bird and the physique of a Greek god.
Word of the Week
Vestihibitionism definition: the flirtatious display of undergarments by a woman Ex. Dennis Rodman, "Yo, whodi, it is mad brik in here.
Street Beats
Microsoft reveals plan to take business from IBM. Bill Gates dubs this plan, "capitalism." New York says poor must pay for recreation. Mayor Bloomberg initiates laugh tax. Nonprofit hospitals face scrutiny over practices. Apparently, eighth grade biology class not satisfactory substitute for medical school. Case of mad cow disease confirmed in Alabama. All doubt ended when cows opted not to use Geico to save money on their car insurance. Philly Film Festival to screen movies on Penn's campus.
