Best Song for Eating Alone in Commons Backstreet Boys, “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely”
So you’re still on the Penn Dining plan and it’s getting harder to give out those Moocher Meals. While your friends are eating at Allegro and Greek Lady and arguing over where to find the best burrito, you’re in Commons, sharing a table with nothing but a tray full of 1920s goodness. Is there something missing in your heart? Are you trying to find the meaning of being lonely?
Stop pretending to be totally engrossed in your Biology textbook as you pick foreign objects out of your salad bar selection. Turn your table for one into a booth for six as Brian, Nick, Howie, AJ and Kevin serenade you with their heartfelt ballad, “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.” If you’re lucky, you’ll find out what’s poppin’ by letting your “eyes of stone observe the trends.”
After all, Backstreet’s back, and they are always there where you are.
—Charlotte Borgen
Best Song for Coolin’ on South St. Boyz II Men, “Motownphilly”
Sorry, Bruce, but the streets of Philadelphia are not for wastin’ away. They are asphalt canvases to be painted on with funky fresh new jack swing dance moves. They are stages on which to show fly ladies that you can both harmonize with the smoothest and rap with the toughest. Boyz II Men, “live and direct from Philly town,” proved this better than anyone before or since. With 1991’s “Motownphilly,” they crafted an anthem for our great city; a perfect single for cruising past Jim’s with the top down or just doing the running man in front of Condom Kingdom.
—Ben Rosen
Best Song for a Love Park Rendezvous K-Ci and JoJo, “All My Life”
You meet on Craigslist, exchange numbers, make plans. You see her for the first time. She’s standing under the LOVE statue, looking fine. She could be your future wife. What song do you want to be playing in that moment? What song do you need to be playing in that moment? K-Ci (or maybe it’s JoJo) says it best: “Close to me you’re like my brother.” No, wait: “All my life, I’ve prayed for someone like you.” So sensual. So true. Blind dates can be awkward but nothing gets you in the mood for a night of lovely dining and conversation like smooth R&B.
—Ben Rosen
Best Song for Sex in the Stacks R. Kelly, “Bump N’ Grind (Remix)”
For as long as we’ve known R. Kelly, he has demonstrated a clear and accurate sense of right and wrong. For this reason, he has become something of a moral compass; a real life Jiminy Cricket, if you will. So when someone — be it your partner, that person eyeing you from across Rosengarten or even a BoredAtVanPelt cyber-pal — invites you to take a study break in the stacks, ask yourself one question: What would the world’s greatest do? The answer is simple. He would give the biddie a chance to change into a skirt and then meet him on the fifth floor, because there is nothin’ wrong with a little public bump ‘n’ grind. Let the voice of R. Kelly and this smooth as butter hit set the rhythm and drown out the sound of falling books as you finally make whoopie the way it was meant to be made.
—Charlotte Borgen
Best Song for Stopping Us on Locust Walk Big Star, “Thirteen”
We don’t want your flier and we don’t want to buy tickets to your show. There is nothing you can do to make us change our minds. Nothing, that is, except play Big Star’s “Thirteen” on a boombox. If we hear the seminal power-pop band’s acoustic ode to young love, we will always stop by and listen to what you have to say. Sure, it’s an off-beat choice for Dhamaka or the swim team, but it shows us you have an appreciation for melody, lyrical poignancy, and plenty of other things that have nothing to do with your club but are extremely important to us.
—Ben Rosen
