The "Just Started Talking" Couple

Where to find them: At their respective residences commiserating with other single friends.

Takeaway: More often than not, one person is more into their ambiguous, texting tango than the other one is. He or she probably made some sly references about Valentine’s Day the week before, which the other party purposefully chose to ignore. The two will resume contact on Monday and pretend like the day before didn't happen.

The Netflix and Chill Couple

Where to find them: In either one's bed the morning of after one of their bi-weekly bangs. One of them is about to embark on the usual walk of shame route home. 

Takeaway: Seeing as your whole relationship is built around sex, it's already understood that you two make no mention of Valentine's Day, nor do you make plans with each other. Later, one of you will be sobbing over a pint of ice cream wondering what your character flaws are that make this person not want to date you. Your fuck buddy will be off somewhere paying you no mind and probably playing FIFA.  

The New Couple

Where to find them: A dimly lit hole–in–the–wall restaurant that they settled for after not getting reservations at Serafina/ other moderately–priced establishment students deem “fancy.” 

Takeaway: Your relationship is still in the honeymoon phase so you bask in your love and annoy all those cynical singles around you. The only time you’re not exhibiting PDA is when you’re picking a filter for the couple pic you took at Rittenhouse. Oh, to be young and in love and in need of validation.

The Old Couple

Where to find them: On the couch of select significant other's apartment eating a shittier version of the fried banana fritters recipe they saw on Facebook. 

Takeaway: While you both may be 21, you act like a jaded and worn 70–year–old couple. You've been together for so long that you mutually opted for a low–key Valentine's Day filled with food and flicks. And wine. Like a lot of wine.


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