Potential Apocalypse Victim: “My parents aren’t doomsday preppers, they’re more like doomsday expecters. They expect doomsday but don’t prepare for it.”

Vain and Hopefully Immune: “I’d rather have the coronavirus than go bald.”

Out–of–touch Gamer: “What even is animal crossing? Is that, like, for furries?”

Frustrated Science Student: “I can’t cook up chemicals from my fucking house!”

New Englander Missing Penn: “I haven’t seen a single Canada Goose here, just a lot of Canada geese.”

Another Goddamn Email From My Academic Advisor: "Please respond to my emails??"