Humor

Handshake Renamed OneArmedHug to Foster More Accurate OCR Experience

Putting the "cute" in "recruiting"

by CAMI POTTER

BREAKING: Student “Activist” Selects Frame for Profile Picture That Will Solve Everything

Brb, saving the planet.

by LILY ZIRLIN

Overheards: 10.4.17

True patriot: "I gave my first handjob on the Washington Monument." 

by 34TH STREET MAGAZINE

Fall Break Offers Freshman First Big Chance to Assert Privilege Over Everyone

"I’ve been slowly building on my superiority for a while now."

by CLAIRE SCHMIDT

Unclear if Undergrads Speaking in Code or Just Overusing Penn-centric Abbreviations

He def SABS enough to be PPE.

by SHOSHANA STERNSTEIN

Students Vote to Replace Harvest with SoulCycle; Life-Saving Urgent Care Center Second

I'm not trying to walk back from my work out—I literally JUST worked out 

by CAMI POTTER

Overheards 09.27.17

30 year–old–woman: "A little molly never hurt anybody."

by 34TH STREET MAGAZINE

Senior with Goldman Sachs Offer and "Problem Solving Skills" Gets Really, Really Lost in the Quad

"Which one is Fitler?" said the fully grown adult

by DANO MAJOR

Overheards 9.20.17

Archetypal Penn dude: "We're dating. With an asterisk." 

by 34TH STREET MAGAZINE

My Strange Addiction: Constantly Applying To Jobs On Handshake

You can't beat the rush.

by SHOSHANA STERNSTEIN

Green Day Woken Up, Goes Back to Sleep Until 2020

Green Day band members face a confusing past when they are woken up at the end of September.

by CAMI POTTER

The Streets of Penn: Personified

Ugh, why won't Locust just shut up?

by LILY ZIRLIN

Totally Impossible Penn Riddles

Is it social climbing if you step on an elevated surface?

by ,

Trump Supporters Confused to Find that Made In America Not a Trump Rally

According to many confused festival-goers, Benjamin Franklin was a heathen and who even is Migos anyway? 

by CAMI POTTER

Overheards 9.13.17

Kylie Penn–er: "He kisses so aggressively that I think he's going to pop my lip injections."

by ,

Let's Play Bingo: Eagles Parade Edition

First one to get five in a row wins.

by DANIEL BULPITT

Pretty Fly Wifi: Best Wifi Names on Campus

Hide your kids, hide your wifi, we rounded up all of the best off–campus network names.

by DANIEL BULPITT and ELIANA DOFT

Overheards 9.6.17

Elmo BBQ attendees about tourist who found his way into the party: "LET HIM STAY. LET HIM STAY."

by ,

Google Maps Directions to Navigate All Four Years of College

Continue straight towards freshman NSO for 71 new friend requests and one regretful DFMO.

by SHOSHANA STERNSTEIN

Wharton Creates “Upper-Level” Seminar Dedicated to Gaining 500 LinkedIn Connections

Do I know you? Who cares!

by CAMI POTTER

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