Parents Weekend Observer: Yeah, Smokes was lame for an hour. But then everyone and their literal mothers showed up. 

OCR Sage: We accept the jobs we think we deserve. 

History Buff: You know the Ancient Greeks? They ate ass. 

Construction Worker Near the Quad: I gotta piss so bad it’s coming out of my asshole, belly button, and toes. 

Self–Aware Prof: Semesters are like the Western front. It’s a battle of attrition. 

Brave Freshman: One time I stuck my hand into a car outlet and it smelled like sausage. 

Real Housewife of Penn: I feel like getting HPV would really ruin my chances of marrying well. 

Art Appreciator: I came for the lesbian porn, I stayed for the surrealism.