Humor
The Safety Dance
Every year, eager freshmen squabble for seats at Irvine for the Penn Safety Video by the Penn Campus Police.
Street Beats
Wolf Blitzer speaks to Penn students on honesty in the media. His remarks were brief and evasive. Four violent weekend robberies may be linked. Each incident reportedly includes people taking things from other people. Fox's Arrested Development cancelled. In the words of Gob Bluth, they've made a huge mistake. Surprise gift makes Penn $14M richer.
Cultural Elite 2005
Chris Amos: Wharton Inspiration makes female population wonder if making love too many times with someone's eyes has ophthalmologic side affects. Danny Aranda: You might remember him as the brooding boy who walked around looking cool in his thick glasses.
Historical elite
Adolf Hitler: Noted Francophile and rare Chinese antiques collector, this Whartonite and self-proclaimed Leader of the Aryan Race hated on ethnicities old school.
Word on the street; Absolut Middle School
On breaks from college in the early years, I slept in the white sleigh bed that I begged for in third grade.
From the editor
loss is an unintentional decline in or disappearance of a value rising from a contingency a value is an efficacy a power a brightness it is also a duration -- David Antin, "Definitions for Mendy" If I am to pass on the wisdom amassed in my time alive -- and, as a senior who took a year off before I even started college, I'm old enough to be some of your mothers -- the most important thing I can say is this: life is all about the contingencies.
Street Shoutouts 2005
To the girl in line in front of me at Mark's Cafe who threw a tantrum because an employee neglected to put soy milk in her Mocha Javalanche: The composition of your afternoon's beverage should not be that important to you.
Word on the street: Nice cubicle, wanna fax?
Rejections never resonate with me. It's autumn of my senior year, and I just got word on my first job application.
From the editor
Ever since I first heard Rufus Wainwright's "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk," I've liked it, because I felt like it was my song.
From the editor
Relationships are complicated things, built on trust, faith and honesty. Unfortunately, I'm an untrusting, heretical, liar.
Word on the street: My little Runaway
The first guy ever to run a marathon made it 26 miles and promptly died -- not a good day for ol' Philippine.
Counterpoint
Attention "Penn" students (if that is your real school name): you are being misled by the malicious slanderings of a vagabond ninnypacker with hipster glasses and a working mother.
Halloween Trolls
College: Naked "artist-liberal" Troll Favorite Sin: Sloth, Gluttony A Day in the Life: Arise at 3 p.m.
Word on the street: I'm an Audioslave for you
Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong. See, I straddle this dual existence, a dichotomy if you will, where I'm all clean and prep on the outside but soul-shredding head-banger in my core.
From the editor
I think the Nava-ho proposition of 2004 was the last straw. Slutty costumes? Shots instead of Snickers?
Word on the street: I Am Not A Nittany Lion
It's about 2 a.m. during the last night of N.S.O., and I'm walking home with my roommate. As we pass the dueling tampons on Locust, these two freshman ruffians cross our path and call us names.
Legendary Quotes by Michael Kind
Michael Brett Kind is a Sophomore in the College, hailing from Chicago, well not actually Chicago, but pretty close to it, like a suburb, that's kinda north but not quite a part of it.
From the editor
This fall break, I met my match. It's not that I'd thought it impossible, I'd just stopped expecting it.
Penn Drinking Game
Round 1 -- The Obvious 1. For every Jew in the room, take a shot. 2. For every kid from the tri-state area, take a shot. 3.
