Playlists
Buds of Grass
For those of you who weren't at the poetry reading dedicated to Biopond -- held this past week at the Kelly Writers House -- 34th Street presents a selection of the presented poetry. An Ode to Biopond Oh, Biopond You fill my days with sweet smoke. Sometimes, when I take a hit, I cough so hard I choke. I buy weed until I'm broke. It's healthier than coke. -- Potty McPott Why I Love Biopond Roses are red, Violets are blue, Biopond, I love you. -- Wesley Pipes A Haiku to Biopond Biopond beautiful Hard to write many pretty haiku When stoned from bong rips. -- Whitney Houston Untitled child! grown to man clouds like cars hurt your head -- Cheech I'm a Sensitive Young Poet As a young man I Rode in cars Climbed fences And trees. I ran from RA's And I brought a bowl to biopond. Sat with my girlfriend. Oh, why do you still tempt me so? Your eyes were so blue, The smoke was so grey. Can everyone feel my pain? Seriously. I find it helps me to get girls When I write poetry about how sad I am. Too bad that with it I fucked up Biopond for everyone The cops will come now. -- Arty Farty A Response to the Haiku to Biopond I'll smack you, woman I swear to God that I will Stupid getting caught with drugs. -- Bobby Brown More Haiku to Biopond Psychic Friends Network Couldn't predict I would get busted Least it was good shit. -- Dionne Warwick In da Biopond Go! Go! Go shorty! It's your birthday! We gonna party like it's your birthday! We gonna go to Biopond like it's your birthday! And you know we don't give a fuck! It's not your birthday! -- Random drunk girl in Billybob's Harmless? I thought TV lie But now I cry I smoked weed Now I'm pregnant, yes indeed. -- Penn Freshman
You Minus Me ≠ Us
The ambiguities that pervade our fair language consistently astound me. My most recent rendezvous with wooly English occurred during a stroll through the music department of the Bookstore.
Finger Lickin' Bad
Truly excruciating from beginning to end, Crooked Fingers's third full-length album falls embarrassingly short of endurable.
Famous Graves and Legends
When West Philadelphia was a suburban paradise in the 18th century, affluent city dwellers built their country estates on the left bank of the Schulykill.
Listings: Film
Philadelphia Film Festival Various Locations in Center City and University City April 3 - April 17, various times $8.50, $6.50 matinees www.phillyfests.com/templates/home.cfm I hate movies.
Listings: Quilting
Art Quilts at the Sedgwick Sedgwick Cultural Center 7137 Germantown Avenue April 6-May 4, Various Times Free (215) 248-9229 Maybe instead of having to make a quilt for your special loved one, you can simply steal from the quilt exhibition.
Love Hurts
The Kills are another boy-girl indie band that conjures up memories of the White Stripes, but where their contemporaries failed, The Kills succeed.
Listings: Concerts
Particle/The Ally Theatre of the Living Arts 334 South Street Thurs - Fri, April 3-4, 9 p.m.
Wake Up and Smell the Muscles
Editor's Note: This is the uncut version of the interview that ran in the April 3, 2003, issue of 34th Street. Patrick Swayze: aging 80's heartthrob or sexual dynamo?
Just Shoot Me
Assassination Tango should be good.ÿ Under the deft hand of Robert Duvall -- who directs, produces and stars in the film -- this labor of love should be a masterpiece.ÿThe film, however, falls short of these expectations.ÿThe ingredients are there, but they end up producing a lot of nothing -- unless you enjoy staring at one pointless scene after another for two hours, that is.
Listings: Arts/Culture
Madhouse Company of London's Wild Stunt Show Society Hill Playhouse 507 South 8th Street April 3 - Sept.
From the Editor
In this time of war, I've been reflecting on what it means to be an American. As our troops are out fighting in the field, it seems that we have all decided that it's time to be patriotic.
Streetbeats
Spanish man dies after attaching a battery to his penis -- Really, it's not my bag, baby. Defendant moons judge after being sentenced to eight years in prison for aggravated assault -- Apparently, he had dropped the soap. Former prostitutes want to turn Mustang Ranch into museum -- And yes, admission will be by the hour. The Daily Pennsylvanian puts out joke issue filled with hilarious inaccuracies -- Except this time, it was on purpose. Restaurant owner arrested for offering 17-year-old waitress $1,000 to sleep with him -- And you thought we wouldn't have a pedophile joke this week. Geraldo Rivera expelled from Iraq for giving away details of military operation, says that MSNBC is making up the story to get back at him -- My god, this might affect the reputation of both Geraldo Rivera and Fox News. Washington State lawmakers introduce resolution asking people to boycott French wines in favor of Washington State wines -- Said those Washington State lawmakers, "All the free samples had nothing to do with our decision to make total asses of ourselves."
1-800-Farrell
I was in shock when I first heard the news of a thriller set entirely around a Times Square phone booth, potentially starring Jim Carrey.
Beckhamania
The British Empire may not have had the cleanest record when one considers its history of racial oppression and mistreatment of its colonial subjects, but films like Gurinder Chadha's Bend it Like Beckham suggest that there might just be a bright, new, heterogeneous future in store for the original Isle of WASP that comes with its own set of cultural obstacles.
Quick Flicks
One day, four young boys walk through the forest and see three older boys bullying a small kid from "the retard academy." The four boys decide to help this unfortunate lad, warmly referred to as "Dudditz" (due to his own mispronunciation of Douglas). Little did they know that Dudditz was more special than the euphemism suggests.
No Silver Lining
Somebody needs to get Vic Chesnutt some Prozac. An accident while driving drunk as a teenager left him a paraplegic, and the pain and agony of his life infects every track on Silver Lake. The music and lyrics are downbeat, and if his voice were not so annoying, the CD could easily put anyone to sleep.
The Cock and Balls Dialogue
Inspired by the now infamous Vagina Monologues men everywhere have demanded that dicks be recognized for their beauty, elegance, and inherent child-producing capabilities: these are the Cock and Balls Dialogue.
