I am a goy. It's true, so I might as well confess. As an Episcopalian hailing from the great state of North Carolina, my prior knowledge of Judaism came mostly from the Old Testament. Firsthand experience was limited to the few Jews (reform, of course) who missed the exit for Fort Lauderdale and ended up in Winston-Salem. When I first arrived at Penn, I couldn't tell a schmata from my own schmeckle -- four years later, I'm none the wiser. This is my journey towards understanding "the chosen people."
1. Passover: I am never going to try gefilte fish.
2. Sukkot: While I am quite the Hanukkah expert (I've had the Dreidel song memorized since I was, like, six), I was unfamiliar with this minor Jewish holiday until arriving at Penn. In fact, until recently, I couldn't correctly say or spell this celebration of the harvest. Upon seeing a Hebrew rock band jamming out on Locust Walk last year, I left a message on my roommate's voicemail telling her to check out the festivities for "that Jewish holiday where they build the hut and shake the stick."
3. Keeping Kosher: When my summer housing at NYU ended this summer, I spent a few days living with a friend who was sharing an apartment with an Orthodox girl who kept kosher (also, she was on the Atkins diet, which is another story entirely). Upon returning to North Carolina, I tried to explain what "keeping kosher" meant to my father. My dad couldn't really get a handle as to why anyone would refrain from mixing meat and dairy ("No cheeseburgers?!?"). At Sunday brunch at the Club, my dad exclaimed, "Tell your Uncle Dev about that girl who ate funny."
4. Shabbat: About a month ago, I experienced my first Shabbat. While the meal was mostly enjoyed with Gentiles and we didn't read any of the prayers, the food was really good. Post-Shabbat, I told all my Jewish friends that "I ate Shabbat tonight," thinking that they would celebrate my willingness to learn about their religion. Instead, I was greeted with the response, "You can't eat Shabbat. You eat Shabbat dinner."
5. Orthodox: Before Penn, I was under the impression that there were two types of Jews: the liberal, Reform ones living in Winston-Salem and the conservative, Hasidic Jews I was introduced to by Melanie Griffith in A Stranger Among Us. Thanks to Harrison Ford, I was introduced to the Amish in Witness, but that's another story entirely. Here, I have learned about the high rise inhabiting, yamuka sporting ways of the Orthodox Jew. However, I can't really imagine life as an "Ortho" (as ousted SDT sistah/ Queen Bee of the JAPs Kate Jay refers to her hardcore Hebrew brethren). Can you imagine life without "T.G.I.F.?"
6. JAP:I was in eleventh grade when my ears first heard the acronym "JAP." During one of those college trips to visit Princeton, my ex-girlfriend and I were staying at the house of one of her family friends, the Frankfurts, in New Jersey. In the middle of a conversation with the youngest Frankfurt, Alana, she tossed out the J word to describe one of her classmates. I thought she was talking about Japanese people. Boy was I wrong! Roughly a year later, the word would become part of my hourly vocabulary. Now I spend my days watching girls remove the Louis Vuitton wallet from the Louis Vuitton make-up case from the Louis Vuitton hand bag. It's like a modern day set of Matryoshka dolls. Go SDT!
I arrived at Penn eager and unaware -- unaware that my status as a WASP would qualify me as a minority at Penn. While my tongue still mangles Hebrew words and hasn't acquired a taste for lox, I'm circumcised and that's got to count for something. L'Chaim.
Ross Clark is a senior history major from Winston-Salem, North Carolina. His e-mail address is Roclarksas.upenn.edu. Alligator Shirts appears on high holy days throughout the semester.
